Parenting Warriors Gifts

"Here's the deal: we call the shots when your're young, you call the shots when we're old, and everything in between is a non-stop battle for control."

'Mommy! Mommy! Look at me!'

'So how long have you had teenage children?'

"If I had to classify our parenting style, I would call it a 24/7, terrifying, all-consuming, worrying style."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Family vacation is an oxymoron."

'Parenting skills don't come naturally. You learn from the experience of screwing up your kids just like your parents did.'

'While we realize it's difficult having a sick child at home, Mrs. Mote, we believe you sent Philip back a little soon.'

'Thank you for your unsolicited parenting advice! In return, I'd like to tell you about a method I know for removing those unsightly age spots.'

'I'm not ready to learn about the birds and the bees, Dad...the birth trauma is still too fresh in my mind.'

'Bring out your obnoxious teenager!'

Kids arguing. Mum says to Dad - 'Don't chastise them darling! They'll give you a mouthload of abuse...'

'Billy, I'm not going to argue the semantics of biting. Whether or not you penetrated skin, I'm calling your mother.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"I'm sorry, Sir, but you can't change seats to et away from a problem child, if that child is yours."

Caution: Clueless Parents

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

'I've had it for the last seventeen years.'

"There but for the grace of God, go our children."

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Hang in there, buddy! It'll go fast. . . believe me, if you resist it'll only be worse!!. . . Some kids just have to learnt he hard way.'

"A bottle of your finest formula for the table."

'Beware of teething baby.'

"Let's make a promise. When he's a teenager, we'll wake him up in the middle of the night."

"I've got two teenage daughters and only one bathroom! This is the only way I can take a shower!"

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

'I tried to clean my room but dirt doesn't burn!"

"I changed my mind – no more kids."

'Can you move me to the top of your prayer list?'

"I don't think I like this adultescent phase."

"He keeps touching me!"

"This ride is for parents and their kids."

"Am I doing something wrong? He won't even consider hibernating."

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"

Lincoln Middle School: Parents, you only have 23 days to re-civilize your kids...