Parenting Pressure Warriors Gifts

'She's already gotten a job offer from Microsoft!'

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

Baby pram as a tank

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

That's my daughter, Alayna

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

No caption. (A mother runs on a treadmill with a baby carriage on the treadmill next to her).

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

Pinata good bags.

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

New dunce caps

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Look. He's just created his first text output object."

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."