Parenting Pressure Warriors Pillows

'She's already gotten a job offer from Microsoft!'

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Baby pram as a tank

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

New dunce caps

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Look. He's just created his first text output object."

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'