Parental Warriors Pillows

Kitchen Appliances Fed Up With The Baby.

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

Baby pram as a tank

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

'You know, termite queens have over 100 million offspring. I mean, just saying...'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."