Protective Parent Warrior Gifts

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

Baby pram as a tank

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"I miss the Augean stables."

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"Sergio, I think you've done a great job raising the children."

"He keeps touching me!"

"I changed my mind – no more kids."