Protective Parent Warrior Gifts

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

Baby pram as a tank

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"I miss the Augean stables."

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

That's my daughter, Alayna

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

Pinata good bags.

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."

Dating The Daughter Of A Hockey Goalie

'These are very powerful tranquilizers for when your teen has he horrific tantrums. Take two of them anytime she flares up.'

"I changed my mind – no more kids."

"Noah, I'm tired of doing battle with you!"