Parental Safety Warrior Gifts

"Always throw in a few extra pieces, it drives the safety conscious parents crazy"

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

'Never mind about buying that trampoline. I love your new bed!'

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"Very fine people on both sides."

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

That's my daughter, Alayna

'Tommy's doing fine. I'm concerned about your poor fund-raising record. You sold only two magazine subscriptions and one measly candy bar.'

"Coronavirus, masks requirements, falling test scores, student violence - we need to be able to pray in school!"

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

Educators push back against politically motivated school opening proposals."

"No, I wasn't in a car accident. As a new parent, I'm still trying not to trip on all the toys on the floor."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

Pinata good bags.

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."