Safety Conscious Parent Gifts

Humpty Dumpty wearing over-the-shoulder seat belt smiles smugly.

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"The crash-test rating on this puppy is off the charts!"

'News headline: Britain unsafe to bring up young children.'

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

"These are my little helpers - social worker,child psychology, risk assessment,health and safety, paramedic and compo for kids."

Father nursing his sick child

'My mum drives me to school. She says it isn't safe to walk with all the cars.'

'Are you sure the children get plenty of exercise'

Mother changing the words to 'this little piggy' to be more healthy

"How many more times, you've got hayfever, so no, you can't have any cannabis oil."

"Can you test for broccoli and brussels sprouts too?"

'Haven't you heard that hypernutrition in the first years can lead to obesity in later life.'

The sound of a crackling fire licking at seasoned logs...

Sweet Jailbreak

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

"What did you learn in school today that I'd object to?"

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

"Funnily enough, although Rex said I was "too chicken to try", I made the sensible choice..."

'Don't worry he doesn't want any. he's allergic to everything except straw stuffing.'

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

"I'm not sure our family's ready for kombucha, hon."

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

Product Recall (aeroplane)

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

"Health and safety need you to put rubber tips on your arrows and replace the angel tears in your love potion with saline."

Woman buying a 'Steak and Donkey' pie from supermarket.