Vigilant Parent Gifts

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

'What did I learn in school today? You'd better sit down.'

"I don't care why you crossed the road! I do care however about "how" you crossed the road: without checking for cars first!"

"Why not stay with your mother and me? The Feds will never find you here."

First Steps

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

'Honey...you're spoiling that child.'

'It's my mother. She wants to talk to you.'

Humpty Dumpty wearing over-the-shoulder seat belt smiles smugly.

"I never got the chance to be homesick. You tweeted about me 20 times a day."

"Ya know, boys and girls studying alone like this is strictly forbidden in Iran."

"My mom can be a little over-protective ... "

"No - wait, I haven't read them all yet..."

Boy has swallowed marbles thinking they are sweets

"What did you learn in school today that I'd object to?"

To insure Rodney's safe websurfing, Thelma sets her own parental controls.

Bad Grammar, But Good Pluck.

'If you shoot your foot off don't coming running to me.'

"Daddy's still up - I can see him loading his shotgun."

"I just decided what my daughter is going to wear to this year's prom."

'Did the nasty man hurt you?'

Family wearing shin guards to protect against the kid in a play car.

I'm teaching my kid how to stay safe online.

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

"Lawsuits must really be getting out of hand."

'I'm his MOTHER. I KNOW he was safe!'

'Do you mind if my son watches you cook? I'm trying to bring him up to be a vegetarian.'

"It's the whole kindergarten thing, Mom. I'm alone in there, swimming with the sharks."

"My mom says you can sleep on the top bunk if your parents will sign a release form."

'Please excuse my mother, this is my first interview.'

Bring my daughter back at 11 sharp or...