Child-rearing Experts Gifts

Mom and Dad Really Lose It - 1/4 Mile.

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"Ah...here they are!"

That's my daughter, Alayna

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

The modern generation!

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

"Now you know how Daddy feels when Mommy overdraws the checkbook."

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

'Sorry, he can't come out and play. He's grounded.'

'Dad, I don't need a two-thirds majority to over-ride your veto. I've got mom.'

They grow up so fast, so we're already putting money away for bail.

World's Best Dad. I don't know. I thought they were with you. World's Best Mom.

"Don't make me turn this covered wagon around!"

Toilet Training