Parenting Specialist Gifts

"I'm not sure what you should do so I'm sending you to a specialist, Grandma."

'William, I've decided to go back to work so I can get a little rest during the day.'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Will you be putting her in day care or bringing her up artisanally?"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"That is one absorbent nappy."

Grounded

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"Ah...here they are!"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."

The modern generation!

He can't talk yet, but he still gets the last word.

'Is it okay to apologize for something I'm going to do?'

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

"Yes, he was very nice, Mom, but he had to cut the date short because it was... 'report card time'!"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

Sometimes nature not only calls; she makes an emergency breakthrough.

'He's my personal potty trainer.'

Toilet Training

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

Look at it this way: You're changing the future of the nation...one diaper at a time!

'I changed my mind...I'm not thirsty anymore.'