Parenting Consultant Gifts

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'...may your union be blessed with children...and for those of us who believe in ATTACHMENT PARENTING, could they please do so now!'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Grounded

"How many times have I told you kids to hang your coats in the closet?"

"Mom, can you come get me?"

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"Ah...here they are!"

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

The modern generation!

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'