Parenting Consultant Prints

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'...may your union be blessed with children...and for those of us who believe in ATTACHMENT PARENTING, could they please do so now!'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Grounded

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Ah...here they are!"

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Never underestimate the value of pipe-dreams, my son.'

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

'If Mom says no, you ask Dad -- it's called the 'checks and balances' system.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

Parenting Business Deals

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."