Parenting Instructor Gifts

Parenting academy: "Right, that covers nutritional theory in the socio-economic context of class structure in a eurocentric and essentially homophobic culture...now if one of you would like to take a tit out we'll do the practical..."

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"Look Mommy, hat!"

"That's not how I sat on you."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

"That is one absorbent nappy."

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"It's true, mommy...the chocolate bunny attacked me - it was self-defense!"

"Another reckless baby driver! I'd arrest the whole lot of them if they weren't so damn cute."

"Mom, can you come get me?"

"Ah...here they are!"

"Don't listen to her! She's a cuckoo: what would she know about parenting?!"

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

'Your parents are way too overprotective.'

"Instead of taking a bath couldn't I just run through a carwash?"

"If you find authority intolerable, remember, you're in good company."

Parenting Business Deals

'This is Tyler; he's mommy's precious little feral-angel.'

'At midnight, we go over the wall.'

"It's difficult to attract a younger customer when our main demographic is babies."

"I'm the last to go home because my parents are still fine tuning their work-life balance."