Parenting Educator Gifts

'Right that covers nutritional theory in the socio-economic context of class structure in a Eurocentric racist and homophobic culture. Now if one of you could take a tit out we'll do a practical...'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

City Zoo: Day Care

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Bond James, Bond."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Have you been on the moon again, young man?"

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

I like the Jets...I guess

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"Don't worry, dear. You'll grow."

'What would your mum say if she saw you drawing all over the wall like that?'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"They grow up so fast."

A young Don King

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

"I know what this is, it's what mum and dad call 'working from home'...

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"This is a great spot to practice mighty roars son..."

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.