Parenting Master Gifts

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

"Juding by your expression, your mom made kale for dinner."

City Zoo: Day Care

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"They grow up so fast."

The Baby Walker

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Sounds that various toys make when they are vacuumed up.

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

A mother and baby elephant

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

Well, we thought we had childproofed the house

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

"That is one absorbent nappy."

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"