Parenting Master Gifts

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

"Juding by your expression, your mom made kale for dinner."

City Zoo: Day Care

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"They grow up so fast."

"Someone once told me that kids grow up so quickly. I hope there's some truth to that."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

The Baby Walker

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'‘Because I said so' or ‘Just wait until you have kids of your own' section?'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

'Still having a hard time finding day care?'

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"Guys, can you use your Mommy-doesn't-want-to-know-I-exist voices?"

A mother and baby elephant

"It's a new work-out video. It shows a mother chasing after three little children all day."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

'That reminds me, the seat broke on mine. I must make time to get it repaired.'

"One of the advantages of working from home is the free tech support."

'Change is inevitable, espeically when you have a newborn in diapers."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

"They followed me home from school - can I keep 'em?"

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

'Everything I say to you goes in one ear and out the other.'

"No more diapers. Simply lift the lid and go here."

Grounded

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

My 5-year-old nephew cut his hair! His mom was so upset until she thought: 'Wait a minute! I just saved 12 bucks!'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: 'Sitting Up'

Something tells me it's not going to be a good school report!