Modern Parenting Master Gifts

"Her phone has parental controls, but I have to ask her how to use them."

'The facts of life? Sure -- just type in this URL.'

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"He just said his first word!"

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'I home-schooled all seven kids. Right now I'm in the teacher's lounge.'

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

'His next appointment is on the 17th when the clock's little hand is on the two and the big one's on the nine.'

Phone Mittens

"Santa said to stop making toys. From here on out we'll be making computers and phones. Does anyone know anything about technology?"

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?..."

'Sending someone to his room was a punishment when I was a kid.'

"We're going to start with the birds and the bees and then work our way up to the new reproductive technologies."

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

Big book of memes

'We'd like to christen him 2GR4T7VXS35. That way it'll be easier for him to get his own web domain name when he's older.'