Modern Parenting Pioneer Gifts

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Actually, it is a bad time — I’m rushing to get the kids out of the oven."

'He's not talking yet, but his texting skills are excellent...'

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

L'il Buckaroo on Board.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Amazon Drones Delivering Babies

A child sitting on a swing - while playing with a hand-held electronic device or phone

"He just said his first word!"

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

Kid is 'Born to Text'.

"Never mind Benjamin – he just lawyers-up to get attention."

'Those are my triplets. Com, Net and Org Barnes.'

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"How is it gendered?"

"Damn it, are we flying a spoonful of peas again?"

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

'The stuka brought you.'

"I brought frankincense." "I brought gold." "I brought diapers!" "A wise woman!"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

You're right-this is way better than a standing desk.

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

Why all mothers deserve a special day.

'You can go home today, but we'd like to run a few more tests on your husband.'

'I don't care if an app on your phone is monitoring you, you still need a baby sitter when your father and I are gone.'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

'Sending someone to his room was a punishment when I was a kid.'

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

The conversion.

"Santa said to stop making toys. From here on out we'll be making computers and phones. Does anyone know anything about technology?"

"Are we there yet? Are we there yet?..."

Phone Mittens