Child Rearing Enthusiast Gifts

"He's still defining his brand."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"I'm bored."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Whoa

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"Listen. Nobody's cuter than anyone else! You're all equally cute!"

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

I love my family!

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Growth Charts

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'So this is goodbye then!'

"He talks the talk."

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

It's a Boy