Parenting Enthusiasts Gifts

"Andy plays perfectly well with others - it's others who don't play well with Andy."

Ringtones Kids Can't Hear.

'I learned in school today that you two have been living your lives all wrong.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"I hope by the time I'm old enough to have kids, they'll be self-cleaning."

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Actually, he's developing at an absolutely normal rate for his age..!"

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

'We want to be ready for when he starts to read.'

New Fathers taking a number to pick up a baby from Maternity

"Ooh, look, his first text message."

'Hang on. Let's not get ahead of ourselves. Apparently that's not a good idea.'

"Adulits don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAAAH!"

Next On The Agenda

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"I won't stick my tongue out. You told me it was rude."

Suffering from Cooties?

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Growth Charts

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

I love my family!

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

Toddler Feeding Solutions

"Sure was a lot of screaming for the happiest day of your life."

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'