Supportive Parent Enthusiast Gifts

"Yes, it is an impressive collection. I was just wondering if you have any trophies which aren't from your Mum."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

Growth Charts

I love my family!

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

Toddler Feeding Solutions

"I'm going crazy staring at the same four legs."

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Early childhood development

"We're going to have to think outside the box to boost sales, minion."

Baby, baby maker

Crying baby

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

Lemming mothers

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

Snacks for Learners

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

"My first Father's day!"

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."