Proud Parent Aficionado Gifts

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Cry babies.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

Impressing dad.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

Children's artwork exhibition.

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

Growth Charts

I love my family!

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'She posted her first blog today.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

'Baby's first two-step.'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

"Vanessa has done a not bad de Kooning."