Proud Parent Aficionado Gifts

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Cry babies.

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

Impressing dad.

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Children's artwork exhibition.

'You must be very proud Daphne.'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

"Mother, I think I'm good enough to exhibit on the living room walls now."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"Isn't he the spitting image of his Dad?"

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'Oh Darling, you must be so proud: Your first wart!'

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

"I will always cheer you on, but I will never 'Woo-hoo!' you."

I love my family!

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

'Baby's first two-step.'

Growth Charts

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

'She posted her first blog today.'

'Wow! Your kid looks a lot like you!'

"Study her closely...the laughing eyes, the dimpled smile...she's got 'em right where she wants 'em."

'Is THIS the way you plan to spend your peak learning years?'

'It could have been worse...she might have chosen banking.'

"He looks just like your husband."

'Dear, Junior ate his first house today!'