Parenting Enthusiast Gifts

A baby is breast feeding and father asks mother:'So at what age is he going to realize that I exist?'

'We're quite excited. We think he's developing his first disorder.'

Do you ever serve chocolate milk?

I'm here to update your census form. Since you mailed the form in, have any of your children moved back in with you?

Child Psychology.

"Well, sure I'd like to instill the values of hard work and discipline, but that takes hard work and discipline."

"This man is a wonderful primary-care husband."

'Son, it's time we had a talk about self confidence.'

'I know it's been hard to be both a father and mother to me, but now that I'm grown, Mom, how about being just a mother again.'

"So this is the secret to the start of labour!"

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

"Ted was severely edited as a child."

"This is the path to adulthood, You're here."

'Well, put a jumper on if you're cold!'

'It's OK if you want to live your sports dreams vicariously through your son, Mr. Wagner. But you'll have to do it from the bleachers.'

'Well you can't fault his coursework, but I can't help thinking that he still has a few unresolved personal issues!'

'I've sent my son to a school for gifted parents.'

The problem child (Revised edition).

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"...You don't want to see me in jail do you?"

Toddler Feeding Solutions

"All right. Time to grow up."

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

"Mommy you're perfect!"

"Ouch. . . Aaaargh!!. . . Stop it!. . . "

Cell phone.

'Oh no!! Cooties!!'

'I don't need to explain what could happen should this fall into the wrong hands.'

"Use your indoor voice!"

"I wish you wouldn't repeat everything I shouldn't have said."

'If you want me to be a good boy, you're going to have to lower your standards.'

'When my Dad says 'no' he means 'maybe'... when my Mom says 'no' she means no.'

Getting pregnant

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

'But Billy didn't want to eat his delicious alphabet soup.'