Supportive Parenting Enthusiast Gifts

'It's good, Timmy, but it's not refrigerator good.'

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Growth Charts

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

I love my family!

'Son, I want you to get out there and play like I've never played before.'

Sigh … They grow up so fast, don't they?

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Crying baby

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

Early childhood development

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

Open other end

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

Lemming mothers

7 Dwarves of Fatherhood

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

Honey, I'm home. Did you change Kyle's diaper?

'Then, after a while, the pitter patter of tiny running shoes.'

"We've gone old fashioned and decided against finding out the sex of my obstetrician."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"My first Father's day!"

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

Snacks for Learners

"May I remind you that my core worth as a human being remains constant, and isn't tied to external validation."