Child Rearing Enthusiast Pillows

"He's still defining his brand."

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

Gifts for a cloned baby!

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

Naturally, Bob thought the midwife was for him.

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

"Your children are adorable...and so shiny!" "Thanks. I them in dish detergent."

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

"I'm bored."

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

Suffering from Cooties?

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

'Of course I put my kids first! Look at how much I pay the nanny!!'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

Growth Charts

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"Listen. Nobody's cuter than anyone else! You're all equally cute!"

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

I love my family!

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

'Congratulations! It's a bouncing baby boy!'

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

'So this is goodbye then!'

It's a Boy

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'