Parenting Hack Enthusiast Gifts

"Day care worker's delight: Velcro diapers"

"No, there was no 'Buy One, Get One Free.' You're twins."

'The child is very illogical'

"No, the cordless embryo isn't available."

Suffering from Cooties?

"We're ecstatic about our new au pair."

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

I love my family!

'It's a boy. He's healthy and coming along fine, but he may be a little crnkt at birth owing to his claustrophobia. He will have feminine tendencies but is not actually gay. In fact, he'll eventually develop a taste for hard liquor and trashy women...'

"The moral of the story, honey, is that being a celebrity does not make you a credible children’s book author."

Growth Charts

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"Right here is your baby’s infrastructure, and in a month or so we’ll be able to see the analytics."

Toddler Feeding Solutions

Impractical Guide to Having Babies: I need backup...NOW!

Early childhood development

'The stuka brought you.'

'We're beta testing Goo-Goo Glass.'

"Damn it, are we flying a spoonful of peas again?"

Crying baby

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

'Look, dear. Her first opinion.'

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"Sure, helicopter parenting is bad but drone parenting is way worse."

Lemming mothers

"I'm tired of this full-time job. I want a part-time job."

'It wouldn't be right if I did your homework for you!' 'At least you could try!'

'Wow, Mom, how long has he been in time-out?'

"Sweet dreams my little tax break."

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

"My first Father's day!"