Parenting Wit Gifts

Two breasts: No waiting

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"Trust me, you're not ready!"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

'I'm sorry I missed your recital. Daddy was on the phone with his broker, checking on bond yields. It's another form of bonding, son.'

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

Coronavirus Impact on Children

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Have you seen my dad?"

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

Trick or Tweet

"I don't know...sometimes I think I don't spend enough time with them. What kind of role model am I?"

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"I have a new program that draws from his energy to power all our computers and phones. We should be good for the next 10 years."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

:Come on sweetie, you know the rule: You need to finish your chocolate cake before you can have your carrots...'

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"