Parental Superpowers Pillows

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Children in fancy dress on the way to music lessons

'You know, termite queens have over 100 million offspring. I mean, just saying...'

Telekinetics on strike...

"And what did my little darling do in school today?"

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

'Still having trouble finding day care?'

'He's at that difficult age: 0 to 16.'

"You just wait tilll your father gets home!!"

Muscular Dad

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

Add your kids' ages together...

"Look Daddy, at least the poor economy hasn't affected the Tooth Fairy yet!"

'This buggy gets only about one mile per gal.'

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

'Talk about tough days.'

'Hello, parental support hotline? I was able to rise up and become super Mom. How do I get back down?'

"Mom, there's a monster under my bed. Can we keep it?"

"You're violating my airspace."

"Mommy is taking the nap that you refused to take."

'For me, this is actually an improvement; my wife is home with our octuplets.'

'First thing in the morning I'm ringing the school about the amount of homework he's getting.'

"I don't know who is more tired, the kids playing soccer, baseball, softball, tennis, lacrosse, volleyball and basketball, or me taking them."

Mom's Diner - We reserve the right to refuse service to naughty boys!

"I just bought these smart headphones for parents. They mute all sarcastic remarks and complaining from my kids. I programmed them to do the same for my husband."

"I'm dealing with tweens at home and fiends at work."

Potty Training.

"I'll get you a drink of water, but next time, call Dad, not room service."

Dad reaching into medicine cupboard