Parental Powerhouse Pillows

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'I can't control my anger when people get too close to my kids...'

"My kid's a holy terror... no offense."

Mom, there's a simple explanation for this...Aliens from outer space.

'Stop pulling that silly face, Dear.'

'We'll need lots of nappy changes today, the T. V. just said it's going to be wet and windy.'

"That's it young man. . . No more energy drinks for you!"

"But if I don't break stuff who will?"

"I won it for being the most noncompetitive in preschool."

'I'm not spoiled - I always smell like this.'

'You've got the Vietnam 1000 yard stare. All new parents get it!'

"Oh look—he fell asleep when you told me about your day."

"Has your mom tried turning him off and back on again?"

Buggy with Snowplow.

'Beware of teething baby.'

'You know, termite queens have over 100 million offspring. I mean, just saying...'

Woman telling her husband not to swear in front of the baby.

Mother pushes twins on a double-decker swing.

"Jackson Pollock's diaper"

Woman feeding baby is covered in food.

'Hey, Dad. We learned all about the Kama Sutra at school today... Oh no, not the Kama Sutra, I mean The Magna Carta.'

"Good luck Mr. Bond, you have one minute to diffuse this tantrum."

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

"'Parent' should always be an action verb."

"Being a parent is like being in prison. . . except we don't get the hour of exercise."