Parental Superhero Pillows

'Honest Dad! All I said was school holidays!'

Still having problems finding day care?'

Muscular Dad

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

'No, my mom can't come to the phone. She's digging out a bus route to my school.'

"Yeah, I know it's hard for her with a 22-month pregnancy, but I suffer too: it's a long time to cater to her cravings!"

'I hope your mum is close by if I ever need a tracheotomy.'

'be careful what you wish for.'

Dad reaching into medicine cupboard

Mom's Diner - We reserve the right to refuse service to naughty boys!

"So, what's your daughter's credit score?"

"Aww, c'mon, mom! None of the other kids have to wear their rubber bands on their claws."

"I'll get you a drink of water, but next time, call Dad, not room service."

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

Babies vs. Dogs

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

"I miss the Augean stables."

JAMES BONDING

'You know, termite queens have over 100 million offspring. I mean, just saying...'

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

'Occupation? You name it, that's ME.'

'Still having trouble finding day care?'

Fathers are Heroes

"SUPERintendent! What kind of powers do you have?"

'Mother will catch you!'

"I mean, he does have a point."

"Well of course it's fast food. I cooked it faster than a speeding bullet."

'He's at that difficult age: 0 to 16.'

"Please continue as a lab rat, we have five mouths to feed!"

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

'Teachers' Dreams.''Did you just say F***? Care to repeat it so everyone can hear you or is even a four letter word beyond your abilities? ... And the state expects me to make you multisyllabic.'

Add your kids' ages together...

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

'I'm about to throw a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'Hello, parental support hotline? I was able to rise up and become super Mom. How do I get back down?'