Parental Superheroes Pillows

"It doesn't say you can't install them on the roof."

'You know, termite queens have over 100 million offspring. I mean, just saying...'

The Cost of Day-Care

It's okay Mom! As a broker, I'm under supervision of the SEC!

Babies vs. Dogs

"I miss the Augean stables."

Mother feeds messy child with extra long spoon.

JAMES BONDING

'I'm a work-at-home dad.'

"How many times have I told you kids to turn off the light when you leave a room?!"

'Still having trouble finding day care?'

Fathers are Heroes

"I mean, he does have a point."

'Mother will catch you!'

'It just says strange things happened after she ate the wafers. It doesn't mention their street value.'

'He's at that difficult age: 0 to 16.'

Muscular Dad

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

"Please continue as a lab rat, we have five mouths to feed!"

'How about wearing a limo driver's cap when taking me to practice?'

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

Add your kids' ages together...

'I'm about to throw a tantrum. What are you doing?'

'Hello, parental support hotline? I was able to rise up and become super Mom. How do I get back down?'

'My problems seem small to you because you're so darn BIG'

'You read him Jack and the Beanstalk again, didn't you?'

'For me, this is actually an improvement; my wife is home with our octuplets.'

"Ugh. I've been on hold for 20 minutes..."

"Mommy is taking the nap that you refused to take."

Mom's Diner - We reserve the right to refuse service to naughty boys!

Kitchen Appliances Fed Up With The Baby.

Dad reaching into medicine cupboard

"All we are saying. . . is give peas a chance!"