Parental Guidance Scout Pillows

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

Father

"Be afraid to try new things!"

'If you are not careful, son, you will be mathematically eliminated from all of the Ivy League schools.'

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

Ask your mother computer.

Exam Room.

"Better safe than sorry, son."

"Your inability to turn off your critical voice, combined with your fear of disappointing your overbearing, demanding father, is causing you to lose faith in your fastball."

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

'My mother made me apply.'

"Hahahaha! Oh, you are hilarious! Help you with your math homework … hahahaha!"

Before birds and bees,

"This is humiliating. Couldn't you drop me a block from school?"

"Okay...seriously...it's nothing to worry about, Dad."

"My day? Don't even get me started!"

'No, the Patriot Act doesn't make it all right for you to read your sister's diary!'

"It's my baby sister's. She leaked when we got her, and we've been trying to fix her ever since."

'How many times have I told you to stop playing with that calculator?'

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

Cinema Certification, Suitable for kids, but will drive parents to distraction.

"Dad, remember how you bungled the Lorton account?"

'Mummy said let it drop,there's a good boy..'

'Mom's really nervous because I've been good for too long.'

'Why can't you try to be more like me?'

High expectations

"We started him signing at 6 months."

"We think it's important to meet the parents of our daughter's bad influences."

"My Mother was right. She told me when I was eighteen, that if I married him it wouldnt last!"