Parental Guidance Seeker Pillows

"Your inability to turn off your critical voice, combined with your fear of disappointing your overbearing, demanding father, is causing you to lose faith in your fastball."

'I'm going to bed...whatever...'

"My mom says I can start a rock band if I call it 'I Love My Mommy.' You in?"

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

"I became a mentor because I needed more direction in life."

"Be afraid to try new things!"

A push in the right direction: 50c.

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

'I've fallen in love and i've fallen in porage and believe me: porage is better.'

'Oh, we don't actually teach math any more ? we found it was too hard on the kids' self-esteem.'

"Other than being sent to the principal's office, my detention, and three day suspension, school was good."

Son, it's time you grew some legs and moved out.

Still a Disappointment to his Mother

Soccer Moms

"Better safe than sorry, son."

'Obviously, the school board is giving an unfair advantage to gifted students.'

'I'm getting a little concerned about Timmy. He hasn't wormed his way out of anything all semester.'

'My mom just explained babies to me. I'm not sure, but I think I'm a bird and you're a bee.'

'See, I told you my dad would like you.'

'My mother made me apply.'

Before birds and bees,

"This is humiliating. Couldn't you drop me a block from school?"

"Okay, once again. I'm your pastor, not your 'guru'."

"And I suppose if your friends all jumped off a cliff you'd follow right along?"

"Do you provide any coupons that would allow me one free lie? It would help ease my conscience."

"Aaack! How did an unscheduled hour get on your calendar? This will not look good on your college application."

"Of course, you've always set a good example for me ... that's why you embarrass me so much."

"Is your dad in a good mood? We're heading into uncharted territory."

"Don't make me come over there."

'How many times have I told you to stop playing with that calculator?'

"Sorry, son. . . You're not getting the keys to the car until you show me you're mature enough to bring it back completely totaled."

"It's my baby sister's. She leaked when we got her, and we've been trying to fix her ever since."

"Ten more minutes of media manipulation, then it's off to bed."

"I need to see the Father."