Parent's Worst Nightmare (jokingly) Pillows

"So you're the artist dating my daughter? I've seen your work...you MUST be starving."

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

"Use your inside scream."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

They Removed my Brain.

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

"Fasten your seat belt."

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

'Sorry, Dad. My offensive lineman says I don't have to go to bed yet.'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

"When I said you could use other materials with the sand, I was thinking shells and driftwood."

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

'Can you do the dishes, love. I'll do the school run.'

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

'My husband wants to know if the sonogram can tell if the baby is a Red Sox or Yankees fan.'

"When do I get my phone call"

Oh, Wow! With all this baby food flying around, I can't wait until he starts eating steak!!!

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.

'Of course I respect him more than you - He's house trained!'

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

"From now on, just pillage."

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

Our Yuppie Dad

"Phew! It's only Saturday night fever."

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

"It's too hot to strive for autonomy."