Parent Needing A Laugh Pillows

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

"Use your inside scream."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

"It makes sense when you see the second painting with the lego."

"It's from the children. They'd like us to let them in."

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'Now, all I need is a bird.'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

"When do I get my phone call"

'How are the quadruplets?'

Mobile Phone Mobile.

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

'Of course I respect him more than you - He's house trained!'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'We just have to stop meeting like this!'

Our Yuppie Dad

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

"It's too hot to strive for autonomy."

'Come on. You've been nursing that pint for hours!'

"Those D's are misleading."

"The scratchpost is for the cat, the other one is for my son."

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

'A grass box for the children is a wonderful idea.'