Parental Chuckle Pillows

'It's half past November, young man! Get back into your room and hibernate!'

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Use your inside scream."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

"When do I get my phone call"

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

'Beats me why, but it's a sensitive subject: Some people will call you a Buffalo while others will call you a Bison...'

'Of course I respect him more than you - He's house trained!'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

Your CV is rather thin...

"I'm sorry, James...but I'm afraid Jelly Beans aren't a vegetable!"

'Excuse me - could you please get out of my way - I've got a baby.'

"No. I have the baby."

Sex Education: "Here's one we prepared earlier..."

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

Caution Slippery When Wet.

'I see the kids have 'broken-up' for the school holidays!'

"Mommie!"

"My parents sent back all my stuff that came from China."

'A young boxer'.

"On second thoughts let's stay in tonight...now that we have another mouth to feed."

"It took me a long time, daddy, but I think I've wiped that smirk off my face now!"

'That's when he tries to sound like Pavorotti. Now here's how he sounds when he hits his finger with a hammer...'

"I'm sorry that Ted ever taught him to smoke. It's costing us a fortune!"

"It's worse than you think, doctor - his dad's supper is in there."