Modern Parent Chucklers Pillows

"Hey! That's not Roger. It's his avatar."

Beckett for Beginners: "Waiting for Thumbkin"

"Use your inside scream."

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

'Mom, I need a push.'

"I'm trying to make them look less scary."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'I promise you we'll have him out of here real fast... we need the rest.'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

"When do I get my phone call"

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

'For a brief time I held the world record for the youngest person on earth.'

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

"Mum.... I need to poo."

Our Yuppie Dad

'Don't be silly mum, the morning after pill doesn't work 14 years after conception.'

Sex Education: "Here's one we prepared earlier..."

'You kids stop your bleating or I'll give you something to bleat about.'

"It's an educational toy. Let HIM figure out how to assemble it!"

"It's the kids! Quick! Stash the cigs!"

Honest, D-D-Dad. My homework's "in the cloud."

"I'm sorry, James...but I'm afraid Jelly Beans aren't a vegetable!"

"Sorry darling, but if Dad has put his blinkers on and is reading the newspaper, it means he doesn't want to be disturbed..."

'I see the kids have 'broken-up' for the school holidays!'

'It's half past November, young man! Get back into your room and hibernate!'

"You kids think Tea Tree oil grows on trees?? Tea trees?? Well, you're wrong!! It's extracted from the leaves of trees in the family myrtaceae, bred in the plantations of New South Wales!!!"

"According to this, we just keep it alive until it can take care of itself—between seventeen and forty-five years."