Laugh-loving Parent Pillows

"I don't wet the bed anymore. We pay someone to come in and wet it for me."

"No. I have the baby."

Caution Slippery When Wet.

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

"This is where baby gets some alone time."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

"Soon you'll be sucking your thumb AND tying your shoes...they call it multitasking."

"I never subscribed to Hobbes' state of nature theory until the night we left the kids without a sitter."

"Use your inside scream."

The Wright brothers discover the first nightmare flight

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Well it's your fault for wearing my slippers.'

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

"Sorry I'm late with my grades. I was busy removing the 'Honor Roll' bumper sticker from the car."

Ultra Sound/Downloading.

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

'Now, all I need is a bird.'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

Husband and Child in Pram

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

Baby eating "Uploading", Baby on toilet "Downloading"

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

"When do I get my phone call"

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

Mobile Phone Mobile.

'Of course I respect him more than you - He's house trained!'

'How are the quadruplets?'

'Tell dad he did a lousy paint job.'

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

I'm going to have a baby girl soon. What's a good name for a baby girl, Randy? Wait … you're going to have a what? Tell me you didn't just say what I think you said, little buddy. I'm going to have a baby girl. Met a lady, we fell in love, got married, and now we're going to have a baby girl. Wait ... you're talking about some video game, aren't you? I'm thinking of naming her SIMantha, but that might bee too obvious.

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

Our Yuppie Dad