Parent's Worst Nightmare (jokingly) Gifts

"So you're the artist dating my daughter? I've seen your work...you MUST be starving."

'Are we there yet?'

'Oh dear. He's got my eyes.'

"My dad can't talk yet, but he's learned to wave bye-bye."

"Use your inside scream."

"I'll bet she was worn out by the end of teacher's meeting day."

Fat Kid 14- Gets re-animated

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

"How come I always get the crying baby right behind me?"

'Dad, are you sure this is building the right muscles for football?'

They Removed my Brain.

"Fasten your seat belt."

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

'Don't clean me up too good... no one will recognize me.'

'Sorry, Dad. My offensive lineman says I don't have to go to bed yet.'

"The fish isn't renewable, but I know the fisherman has 6 kids and counting."

'Man pushing pram with baby.'

'Can you do the dishes, love. I'll do the school run.'

'....How many babies are you going to have, mommy?"

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

"When I said you could use other materials with the sand, I was thinking shells and driftwood."

Oh, Wow! With all this baby food flying around, I can't wait until he starts eating steak!!!

"I've got 2 WONDERFUL children. 2 out of 5 isn't bad I suppose!"

"When do I get my phone call"

Children Who Have Given Up Soap For Lent

'Of course I respect him more than you - He's house trained!'

"From now on, just pillage."

'I can't sleep Dad. Tell me another scary story?'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

Our Yuppie Dad

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

"Phew! It's only Saturday night fever."

"It's too hot to strive for autonomy."

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."