Pageants Gifts

"I think I'm in the wrong place, and yet I do not care."

Here's How The Next Miss America Will Be Chosen

Westminster's fine, but this show is just sick. Puppies & Tiaras.

"Poor lady, she never wins these pageants. She has a really weird run."

"Do you suppose she's Miss Egypt?"

'There's an old, pending amendment to the U.S. constitution which, pending ratification, will prohibit this sort of thing.'

"As the new Miss Individual I shouldn't care what you think."

'I could wile away the hours / Conferrin' with the flowers / Consultin' with the rain...'

7th annual weird fishes pageant

"I miss America!"

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

'I'm looking for a good summer looks....I can't read yet.'

Hospital gown pageant.

'And do you, grand marshal Froomkin, promise to always love a parade?'

Miss Advertising transformed in the dressing room.

Future beauty pageant contestants' Christmas wish.

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

Linda Carter played Wonder Woman on the odl TV show. Her dad was Irish-American and her mom was Mexican-American. Before that, she was Miss World USA. Before that, she was forced by her abuelita to eat beauty and muscle foods like rice and beans."

Circus Pageant

'I'm your new editor and not only is this cartoon the funniest one ever made, but it also discovered the cure for cancer and exposes a new,safe and free energy source and it's brought an end to religious wars and that turns me on and I use...'

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

"Congratulations to Miss Jupiter."

"She really lights up a room. Face it Patty, we don't hold a candle to her."

5lbs + 5lbs= ?

Model's aspirations

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

'I wonder if I would be allowed to wear a baseball cap.'

Miss America IQ pageant.

'Weren't they the ones who had wished for world peace?'

Dear Diary, today I'm feeling beautiful...

'In our class's Christmas pageant, I'm playing the department store manager.'

Beauty contest

Favorite author? Whoever wrote the Bible.

'We've decided to skip the swimsuit competition on account of how disgusting we all look.'