Pageant Performer Gifts

"I do believe that story gets more 'n' more interesting every time I hear it, Mr. Van Winkle! Why, a natural born performer like yourself couldn't help but make a wonderful Father Christmas in this year's pageant!"

'In our class's Christmas pageant, I'm playing the department store manager.'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

Miss America IQ Pageant

'I'm looking for a good summer looks....I can't read yet.'

Hospital gown pageant.

Miss Advertising transformed in the dressing room.

'And do you, grand marshal Froomkin, promise to always love a parade?'

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

Circus Pageant

"She really lights up a room. Face it Patty, we don't hold a candle to her."

"Congratulations to Miss Jupiter."

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

5lbs + 5lbs= ?

Model's aspirations

"Poor lady, she never wins these pageants. She has a really weird run."

Miss America IQ pageant.

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

'I wonder if I would be allowed to wear a baseball cap.'

Westminster's fine, but this show is just sick. Puppies & Tiaras.

Favorite author? Whoever wrote the Bible.

'As the new Miss Individual I shouldn't care what you think.'

In this pageant contestants must knowingly provide incorrect responses to questions. Ah, "Miss Information"!

Beauty Contest

Miss Jumbo Queen Pageant.

"Hi. My name is Tanya and, if elected, my agenda will be cheddar! Cheddar, cheddar, cheddar!!"

'Welcome to the Miss Universe Pageant! And for the 62nd year in a row, Miss Bermuda is mysterious missing!'

'I could wile away the hours / Conferrin' with the flowers / Consultin' with the rain...'

Uncle Tom

'We've decided to skip the swimsuit competition on account of how disgusting we all look.'

7th annual weird fishes pageant

Blank Inside

"I'm Miss Missouri, but my goal is to become Miss California."

"I think I'm in the wrong place, and yet I do not care."

"As the new Miss Individual I shouldn't care what you think."