Pageant Queen Gifts

"You know that beauty contest they're having in the Ritz ballroom Saturday afternoon? I won it tonight."

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

'I'm looking for a good summer looks....I can't read yet.'

Hospital gown pageant.

Miss Advertising transformed in the dressing room.

'And do you, grand marshal Froomkin, promise to always love a parade?'

Circus Pageant

Linda Carter played Wonder Woman on the odl TV show. Her dad was Irish-American and her mom was Mexican-American. Before that, she was Miss World USA. Before that, she was forced by her abuelita to eat beauty and muscle foods like rice and beans."

Future beauty pageant contestants' Christmas wish.

'I'm your new editor and not only is this cartoon the funniest one ever made, but it also discovered the cure for cancer and exposes a new,safe and free energy source and it's brought an end to religious wars and that turns me on and I use...'

"She really lights up a room. Face it Patty, we don't hold a candle to her."

"Congratulations to Miss Jupiter."

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

5lbs + 5lbs= ?

Model's aspirations

“It’s the same everywhere: body over brains.”

Miss America IQ pageant.

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

"Poor lady, she never wins these pageants. She has a really weird run."

'I wonder if I would be allowed to wear a baseball cap.'

Beauty contest

'In our class's Christmas pageant, I'm playing the department store manager.'

Westminster's fine, but this show is just sick. Puppies & Tiaras.

'Weren't they the ones who had wished for world peace?'

Dear Diary, today I'm feeling beautiful...

Favorite author? Whoever wrote the Bible.

Beauty Contest

In this pageant contestants must knowingly provide incorrect responses to questions. Ah, "Miss Information"!

'We've decided to skip the swimsuit competition on account of how disgusting we all look.'

'Welcome to the Miss Universe Pageant! And for the 62nd year in a row, Miss Bermuda is mysterious missing!'

'I could wile away the hours / Conferrin' with the flowers / Consultin' with the rain...'

7th annual weird fishes pageant

Miss Jumbo Queen Pageant.

Uncle Tom