Pageantry Gifts

"I'm Miss Missouri, but my goal is to become Miss California."

5lbs + 5lbs= ?

'Shakespeare is my favorite author I've never read!'

'I know she's only four, but it helps her deal with the stress.'

'And do you, grand marshal Froomkin, promise to always love a parade?'

If beauty pageant contestants were honest.

Uncle Tom

Miss Jumbo Queen Pageant.

'I'm looking for a good summer looks....I can't read yet.'

Blank Inside

Miss America IQ Pageant

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

Hospital gown pageant.

Miss Advertising transformed in the dressing room.

Circus Pageant

'For one of these girls, dreams of royalty are over...'

"Congratulations to Miss Jupiter."

'You guys like to get into the holiday spirits?'

"She really lights up a room. Face it Patty, we don't hold a candle to her."

Model's aspirations

'In our class's Christmas pageant, I'm playing the department store manager.'

"Poor lady, she never wins these pageants. She has a really weird run."

Westminster's fine, but this show is just sick. Puppies & Tiaras.

Miss America IQ pageant.

Woman wearing Miss 1977 sash: 'Things pretty much went downhill from there.'

'I wonder if I would be allowed to wear a baseball cap.'

Favorite author? Whoever wrote the Bible.

'Welcome to the Miss Universe Pageant! And for the 62nd year in a row, Miss Bermuda is mysterious missing!'

'I could wile away the hours / Conferrin' with the flowers / Consultin' with the rain...'

'As the new Miss Individual I shouldn't care what you think.'

In this pageant contestants must knowingly provide incorrect responses to questions. Ah, "Miss Information"!

Beauty Contest

'We've decided to skip the swimsuit competition on account of how disgusting we all look.'

"Hi. My name is Tanya and, if elected, my agenda will be cheddar! Cheddar, cheddar, cheddar!!"

7th annual weird fishes pageant