Organizational Satirist Gifts

If found, please return to cubicle L-325.

'That was Fred in inventory. He's been outsourced.'

A flock of sheep's thoughts on their sheepdog.

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

'Have a great day, but not at my expense.'

"No, we don't have a complaints department!"

"I cut down on the clutter around here by firing Henning and Rockman."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Keep me informed of the herds' mood.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

'You'll like this, gang ? it's an 'eyes-only' list of 'shady-but-tolerated' loopholes allowed by the Securities and Exchange Commission.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"They decided giving out pink slips was too impersonal. So now they're blue."

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

Boss's Desk Says No!

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'Shhhh. Fido inherited seventy percent of this company.'

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

'We're here to carbon date your company's carbon footprint.'

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."