Organizational Satire Enthusiast Gifts

'As you can see, our corporate culture rewards worshipping the top guy.'

'We've financed three more startups for no fathomable reason.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

'What's that? It's a leaving present for the next person who comes in late.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

'Stop saying 'how high?' until I say 'jump'.'

'How did the 'I want you all to take a pay cut or leave' strategy go down?'

'Hey, the quarter wasn't so bad after all.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

Water company bonus.

Whack-a-mole CEO.

You can fool some of the people all of the time - "Send in some of the people, Dorothy."

"Let's kick off this Human Resource action with a game of Musical Chairs."

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

"I was a lot happier with the elephant in the room."

Now that I finally have an expense account, there's no time to eat.

Pillaging, formerly Acquisitions Department

'We're very proud of you, Jenkins. Keep up the good work.'

'We use a modified 'carrot and stick' approach here - We've done away with the carrot.'

'Thanks to our exensive cost-cutting efforts, we managed to turn a profit.'

'I have serious doubts about the efficiency of that new 'apples and bucket' hiring test.'

'Natalie, would you please bring me the buzzword du jour?'

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

"I'll tell you what I'm looking for! I'm looking for a yes man, Jenson. Do you think you could fit that bill?"

"However, we're doing rather well, according to uninformed sources."

News for Sale

"For God's sake, just split the last donut!"

"Never mind devices - we need to establish a 'bring your own funding' policy."

"I may need you to take the fall for the Swanson mess. So, goeth with pride."

"Quicksand in a modern office building? Don't be silly."