Workplace Satire Enthusiast Gifts

Whack-a-mole CEO.

"Here's a manual of our rules and a CD that covers our unwritten rules.

"We want someone who can lead in a crisis, but doesn't."

'Mr. Donovan, is it all right if I tie my shoelace?'

'Hey, wait a second, You haven't filled this resignation form out in triplicate,'

'Well, you've done it again, Carruthers -- You've corrupted another efficiency expert!'

'Right, we'll vote on it..all those in favour say 'aye'...all those against say 'I resign'.'

"The board would like to see some proof you're alive.''

'I need a job where I don't have to listen.'

Your a steady worker. In fact you're motionless.

...you're not being redundant or laid off - you're being sacked completely.

'Well... Would you be willing to learn to type?'

"We frown upon politics in the boardroom Miss Jenkins - But sex is okay."

Secretary making notes of snoring boss.

"Do I blame you or your boss if I don't get this job?"

"There are continuing problems with recruitment, but I think we've solved the retention problem."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late