Workplace Satire Lovers Gifts

"I told you, if we keep making unrealistic demands, management will just replace us with cheap foreign labor."

"For God's sake, just split the last donut!"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'Miss Chambers, requisition me some more clout.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

In and Out Tray

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

Armstrong, the only doctor covered in the new health plan you got me is a veterinarian! Beats no coverage. Yeah, if you're a parakeet. You're so cheap. You don't value me at all. You ingrate. I didn't have to give you health benefits. Lots of employers don't cover their animals. You mean workers. Stop your barking.

National Boss Monument.

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

'Remember, Jenkins, I want those briefs on my desk by morning.'