Office Satire Lovers Gifts

"...And that's when we transitioned to a paperless workplace."

Bureaucratic Procedures

"A few years ago, you management gurus told us to downsize until the halls echoed..."

'I've been wandering in the desert for 40 years -- when do I get a desk job?'

'So you are a writer?'

'We had to let go of some people.'

"You forgot to put your 'out of office' on."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

"To address this mistake we must be professional and use root-cause analysis. I'll start by saying it's not my fault...."

'Blast it, Peterson -- What's this I hear about you letting our profits trickle down?'

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

"My biggest weakness? I'm a perfectionist."

Businessman: 'We're like one big family here, because of all the nepotism.'

"Repeat after me: We are delivering the proactive core value promises and rolling out our real time best practice action plan going forward ..."

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"They found a use for that old paper shredder."