Office Satire Fans Gifts

"Paid leave? You're doing well to get paid for when you're here."

"How do they tell each other apart?"

"Driftwood, deadwood—what the hell's the difference?"

'You're in violation of the dress code, Pendleton!'

'I'm afraid we'll have to let you go Hopkins. Before you get this company a sexual harrassment case!'

'I'm sorry, we can justify keeping you on anymore. We're going to have to let you go.'

Good Boy diploma

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Williams, we're not used to receiving such excellent ideas as these, so we'd like to tone them down a bit.'

"We need to make some cuts. We'll start with integrity, accountability, openness, and transparency."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

"I don't like getting bogged down in details. I'm more of a big-picture guy."

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

Can do...No can do

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

"I can motivate everyone except myself."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"That report on corporate redundancy... I'd like it in triplicate."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

He was destined for greatness. Whatever that meant.

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

The Rubber Ball Company

Organization is not rocket science!

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

'Marsha, did you file the Peterson account on the cumulus, stratus, cirrus, or nimbus cloud?'