Workplace Satire Fans Gifts

"My name? Is this a 'Gotcha' question?"

'They made a mistake when firing you, but corrected it with a stop-payment on your severance pay check.'

"Excellent Simons, I admire a 'yes' man who's not afraid to say 'yes'."

"Remember, tomorrow is 'Bring Your Ambition to Work Day',"

What do you mean you overheard Mr.Fox firing someone today? He was talking to you.

'Well, I'm waiting, Harris - this better be good.'

"'Bring your children to work day' just isn't the same since they put the retirement age up!"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

Employee won't think about work outside of box

"Well the good news is that after the reorganisation you'll be leading the team."

'The good news is I had a very good year.'

"The new chairman has dropped the brain-storming meetings."

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

Another day at work would be one too many...

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"Janet, cancel my Guido's reservation. I'll be having lunch in the office."

In and Out Tray

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Please bring me a few sharpened pencils and some lucrative business.

"It's okay to be ambitious but do you dare to pee on my tree, Jackson!"

'What's the matter... you're not grim here?'

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'I'm delegating everything but my paycheck and my snazzy office to you.'

"You work well without supervision? Fat chance of that happening in here!"

"Since you somehow managed to get past my moat, I'll give you a few minutes."