Workplace Satire Lover Gifts

"The afternoon off?? - it's only a papercut...!"

'I should fire you! But quite frankly I can have much more fun if I keep you on and make your life a living hell.'

Well the good news is that you'll be leading the team...And the BAD news...you ARE the team!

'Look, I said I'd bring you the report on micromanaging. Just give me a chance.'

I threw my back out picking up the guidelines

A man jumps on a pile of papers in the Data Comprestion Unit.

'I encourage dissent. That way I can get rid of anyone who doesn't agree with me.'

'How long have you been working here?' - 'Ever since the boss threatened to fire me.'

"I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, will do my job, and has no interest in having my job."

'Post-its? Nah, the boss gives me a gold star when I perform well.'

'It could be worse. Imagine what it'd be like if we hadn't gone to that team building session last week.'

'According to my sources, you spent 12 minutes in the bathroom. Your pay will be docked accordingly.'

'I make sure he pulls my weight around here.'

'You'll like working for me, everybody does.'

'For heavens sake Wilson! Did I forget to send you home last night?'

A mailman walks past carrying a gun while a man posts a letter

'This new 'mentoring' policy is a wonderful idea...It gives staff the chances to take on significant extra responsibilities in relation to staff support and supervision.'

'Your absence is as expendable as your appendix, Merryweather!'

'Paul, do you mind clocking in a bit early so I can start yelling at you?'

'Remember Jones, my door is always open, unless it's closed, then it's not open.'

Sleeping - "Sir, the staff are all assembled for your pep talk."

'So you want a transfer from light fittings.'

"You'll be a perfect addition to our expendable workforce."

"I hate to see you go, but I've met the new you and she seems very nice."

"We can't take breaks, but lunch is provided."

"Do you want the Boss or someone who knows what they are talking about."

'You're the new cleaner, aren't you?.'

"I'm worried management will find someone offshore..."

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

'As a hypothetical question, Ferguson, if you were being replaced, which one of these people should we hire?'

'Does anyone else have any complaints?'

'Congratulations, Fenster?I'm giving you more accounting responsibilities and a new title!'

"Our policy regarding paid vacations is - if you take a vacation, you'll pay for it."

"Sir, Human Resources has clogged the organic waste bins with burned out workers again!"

"Notice how rhythmically the light moves back and forth... So soothing... Back and forth... Back and forth... You will obey me... Obey me..."